I'll start by saying Proverbs 31:10-31 will forever be a passage women should try to mirror themselves and principles against. Angry, mad, disgruntled, illogical, irrational just a few words used to describe black women. But these words can be used to describe a woman of any race or ethnicity. Even in cultures where women are dominated by their male counterparts and have no voice, albeit it secretly, they suffer the same frustrations. So why have black women garnered such negative connotations? I felt obligated to write on this subject because those same women made me what I am today.
Diary of a MAD black woman, why women love this movie but despise the title is beyond my comprehension. Looking back as far as slavery, a black woman was a symbol of beauty, strength, and perseverance. Forceful separated from her husband and forced to be head of her family and care for masta' and his household. Cooking, cleaning, and nursing. Her sun-torched skin even without the ability to pamper her femininity, refused to crack and she aged beautifully and gracefully. She was degradingly mocked by white women because of her full coarse hair prominent facial features, voluptuous breast and her healthy derrière. All of which made her secretly desirable to her masta'. At this time strong, resilient, fierce and all the while being loving and comforting were characteristics of this beautiful woman. Perseverance, in my opinion, was the main characteristic that embodied every aspect of her and her being at the time.
Looking now into the civil rights era when the black woman was just as important if not more important. Many carved their own piece of history. Fannie Lou Hamer an advocate for black voter registration and helped to fund the Mississippi Freedom Democratic Party in a time when the South was a racial cesspool of injustice and Mississippi was well known and proud of their white heritage. Fannie Lou Hamer boldly stated, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. Ella Baker a pioneer of the civil rights movement dating back to the 1930s, was a mentor to Rosa Parks and we know her significance. She was also leader of the NAACP in New York fighting for the desegregation of New York public schools. In the words of Ella Baker and I quote, “remember we are not fighting for the freedom of the negro alone, but for the freedom of the human spirit a larger freedom that encompasses all mankind.” While her husband was out working or engaged in the civil rights movement or revolution; the black woman proved critical to the success of each. Many women handled the donations, planning, and organizing affairs all of which were essential to these operations going off without a hitch. Even taking care of the household and supporting her husband, being the helper God intended her to be. Do you think MLK or Malcolm X were the men they were without Coretta and Betty? As strong a black man in their generation, where do you think they received their comfort and loving from. When times were calloused I'm more than sure, even though they feared for their man's well-being they supported him to no end. Without a doubt, home was in order, how else could that man lead others if his home wasn't taken care of by his black woman. At the height of the war when the draft swooped in and sent men off to war, away from their families the black woman was the backbone of the community. Making sure affairs were handled. There was no Skype, FaceTime, e-mail and the like. The strength that black woman had to posses not knowing daily if her husband was still alive and shaken to the core by every knock at the door in fear of getting news of his demise. She prayed earnestly, kids still made it to school, and home was orderly. No matter what she dealt with internally, her faith was never shaken. Education was available to black women at that time but it was more for the privileged and headstrong I would imagine. Tending to home was the primary role of a black women, a role she embraced and excelled in.
-Katherine Dunham
Fast forward to today. Black women were previously obligated to household duties now we have plethora of doctors, dentist, writers, pastors, entrepreneurs, actresses. Fiercely independent, immensely educated, and financially secure. I love my black women. So why black women are still viewed in such a negative, degrading manner and labeled unjustly? The media plays a role in this and black women have also become their own worst enemies. Educated, professional and working class black women have waged war against uneducated women, strippers, video vixens and the like. The claims are that they are dragging down and helping to further degrade the black woman's image. In the latter’s defense they view “educated black women” a term I use loosely as insensitive and snobbish. Viewed as daddy's girl who had things handed to them, and instead of criticizing they should reach back and help out. Both make valid points. I reserve the right to not choose a side. Impartial to either but I will say that black women should reach back and help their black sisters who want the help and try to convince those who don't they do. Also black sisters should stop degrading themselves for money, fame, and attention and using surviving as a motive and complaining about the "double standard" that pertains to men. In my opinion, women should not try go about life as a man should. Of what value is living like a man adding to life. So many black women have to be the mother and father; provider and comforter. May I add that black women need to stop attacking each other because of skin color and weight. Judging and condemning are not tools to build confidence or inspiration. It plants a seed of self-doubt and ineptitude. Don’t add to the stress of life. Media mainly shows black women in music videos, scantily clad and degraded by the same men whom God created to protect them. These air regularly on a daily basis. He may not be rapping about you specifically, but some guy you come in contact is. Or on reality TV shows that is labeled "entertainment" but it portrays black women as short tempered, confrontational, superficial and self-righteous. Black women are also on television positively, but those shows are few and are aired on television networks that are mediocre in comparison. By having such few and only aired once a week, it’s apparent why little black girls are choosing the glamorous life. I have yet to see black woman cast as a lead exclusively on HBO or Showtime, but I'm not a huge TV person, so if they have I stand corrected. Now Oprah's impact on society has transcended every boundary across the gamut. I recommend any young woman to read the success of Ms. Winfrey or read the biography of Maya Angelou. Now before I proceed, which are aired more, music videos or TV shows, and why? The infatuation society has with the female body is grossly overlooked. Many commercials, movies and products are now centered on the woman’s body for selling and advertising. Think on it. Now back on track, we have Michelle Obama, the Queen Nefertiti of her time in my opinion. Her faith, support, strength, loyalty and love helped mold Barack, he said so himself. She has headed the Let’s Move campaign to prevent and combat child obesity. She is the reason Barack Obama is the man he is today. The First Lady has thrust an unambiguous spotlight on the black woman. Let's work to keep it that way.
“Deal with yourself as an individual worthy of self respect, and make everyone else deal with you the same way” – Nikki Giovanni
“Just because I have my standards they think I’m a bitch” - Diana Ross
What a perfect segue. Black women have found it increasingly hard to find a good black man. As I digress, depending on the woman the term "good black man" varies. So I'll refrain trying to pinpoint, but I have a clue. The assassination of the black man's character by the media causes plenty men, from my experience talking to, feel inferior to a successful and independent black woman. In a sense it emasculates the man. I am not saying that a woman should put off success for a chance at marriage. Then there are the main culprits; jail, commitment issues, and homosexuality. Commitment issues encompass all the ills women suffer in relationships from dishonesty to promiscuity. Now as much as black women love there homosexual friends they should be upset that so many men continue to chose that path in life; this further depletes the number of possible suitors. Jail, that's self explanatory. For my ladies who still love him while on lockdown. Free him, whoever he is. Lastly but never to be mistaken as the least; more often seen as the number one culprit, white women. The equivalent to war our country is now engaged has being waged against white women. Just the thought of a black man with a white woman tends to make black women cringe. "Why is he with her, there are plenty good black women." Many view it as repulsive, despicable, a heinous act punishable by death. There may or may not be a little exaggeration in that last statement. I'm a big proponent of black love and preserving the integrity of the black family. But I still believe love is color blind. Don't get caught in the mindset of settling for a man because you have a timeline to complete or you feel as though you deserve one because you believe your credentials warrant a husband. A man doesn't measure your worth, but the person you are and your beauty inside and out is the stamp that validates you.
- Maya Angelou
- Chaz G. Tyler
*Claps Claps Claps* Very well said!
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